If I had to describe the year 2016 in one word it would be “REALLY?” This year has been a very turbulent, interesting, scary, and emotional year. All years have highlights and low moments, yet I can honestly say that this is the first time in my lifetime were I have gone through a plethora of emotions, low moments and had to face anxiety and depression more than ever. From losing a cousin to suicide, another to gun violence, losing an aunt to kidney/liver failure, and losing one of the most influential people in my life and a world icon within a 4 month time frame, the sense of loss definitely tried to take its toll on my life. I guess you can say I wasn’t so optimistic going into 2016 in the first place. I was going into a new year broken and confused about who I was and what I wanted to stand for. I was overthinking and worrying about things and people that I should have not invested so much time and energy into. I was a complete mess so it is no surprise that the majority of the year was a mess as well.
Yet, all of 2016 wasn’t lost, I have gotten closer with my extended family, rekindled a love with my love that I didn’t know existed or I deserved. Began checking things off of my vision board/life to do list. I have developed great friendships and partnerships where the common goal is giving back and helping others. Of course, in 2016 brought the birth of Protect Your Crown: An Insight into Mental Health, which definitely put the wind back in my sails and helped me understand the importance of taking care of self.
The biggest accomplishment in 2016 for me is finding me again. All the tears, anger, sadness, the feeling of defeat at times, all was apart of Gods plan to build me back up. It has been said, God has to shake things up in your life in order to get you to move and have things fall into place. See, I was getting too comfortable with a lot of things. I was ok with not loving me, yet I was trying so hard to be there for others and being what I thought others wanted me to be. I was allowing things to come into my life and overstaying their welcome when I knew good and well that it had been time for them to go long ago. I also wasn’t holding myself accountable for the part I played in my self destruction. I did not know my worth or what I deserved. You mix all that with a person who suffers from mental illness, that is a awful combination and toxic. It almost destroyed my family, friendships, and most important.. me. It took a lot of breakdown, building up, patience, forgiveness, self love, and support for me to be where I am and to become who I am.
I am definitely looking forward what the New Year holds. Yes I know, some ask “How do we know next year will be different?”, which is a valid question. My response is that there is no guarantee that it will be, however, its about how well equipped you are going into it. The New Year may not change things, but you as a person have an influence on how you live it, how you will respond to it, and how you will carry yourself going into it. You must prepare yourself mind, body, and spirit for all stages of life for time will continue to move forward with or without you. Just always remember, life is what you make it. Its scary but you will never know what living is like if you don’t do it.
Goals and resolutions for 2017 for Essence and PYC?!?! Well, You will have to wait for the next post 🙂