It is amazing how things happen in you life at certain times. Yesterday, I found myself in yet another encounter with a “not so good day”. I found myself feeling empty, worried, and simply just not myself. I reached out to my best friend telling her how I was exhausted from just….feeling. It wasn’t something that could be explain and even if I did, I felt that it would be difficult for others to understand. As she was giving me advice and words of wisdom as she so often does, something popped up on my newsfeed that caught my attention immediately. It was a story on Oprah.com entitled “13 Questions You need to Stop Obsessing Over” by Martha Beck. Now, I read things very often, but for whatever reason, something told me that this is something I need to read. Out of the 13 questions, I found that I often ask myself, God, and the universe close to half of the questions.
1)What’s Wrong with me?: I tend to get frustrated with myself for feeling that way that I feel. I try to stay positive no matter what is thrown my way. I always try to not allow negative thoughts, words, or energy enter into my life. Yet lately, I find myself feeling defeated, worrying often, and a in a pool of sadness. My energy level is null and void, I feel withdrawn and drained. Once I recognize it, I try to do things to “fix” it or change it. Yet, the article stated that “…many of us constantly ask this question without realizing that doing so centers our attention on our most negative attributes-and focusing attention on anything is certain to make it grow”. Meaning, the more this question is asked, the more the negative aspects that you focus on will continue and get bigger. I may begin with the “What’s wrong with me” as a question and eventually that question can turn into “Something is wrong with me” statement which is very unhealthy.
2)When will my ship come in?: Beck states, “Compulsively asking when they’ll (good things) arrive drives them away.” Instead “Identify what you want, do what you can to create it and then distract yourself.” When you allow things to follow as it needs to, it will happen. It may not happen on your time but it happens on time. With this question, I have gotten better of not asking but it tends to pop up from time to time.
3)How can I maintain control: This is something that I have always had a difficult time with. It is difficult for me to let things be at times and accept people and things for who they are. She basically states that you cannot completely control your situation, anything can happen. What you can ask is “How can I respond harmoniously, and as gracefully as possible, respond to whatever occurs?” You may not control what happens but you have a say so over your response.
4) How do I get back at my enemies?: With this question, for me, is not how do I will get back at those that have ever hurt me yet it is more of how can they hurt just as much as they hurt me? Beck states by doing this is like “locking yourself in a cell with those very people (who hurt you), except that you’re the only one who suffers”. She says instead, start listening and appreciate those people who benefit you in some way. That way instead of focusing on the hurt and pain someone may have caused, gratitude and kindness will set in.
5)Am I good enough?: Sometimes, I get frustrated with myself for the decisions and mistakes that I have made in my life. The “I should have know better so I could have done better” syndrome sets in. There are many like myself that struggle with being too hard on ourselves and insecurities. Beck states that “You are absolutely perfect at being yourself, and nothing in creation can ever do better that that.” In Gods eyes, we are all perfect. No person, place, or thing will ever change that.
After reading the article, I decided I needed to have a serious talk with God. Not to ask for anything, but to thank him and to let him know I understand. Often, we tend to pray when things are not going well or when we are in need of something. Me being who I am, I have to give thanks for everything, and pray often regardless of what point I am in my life, good time and bad.
Right after prayer, A song that I had never hear came on entitled, “I’m Coming Out” by Jonathan McReynolds (Check it out on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkQx6DLZ2Xg ). The chorus goes “I’m coming out, it wasn’t meant for me to stay here long and be content with living wrong, No, I’m coming out, God will get the glory out my life, I’ll get it right this time, I’m coming out”. The song in itself is beautiful, but the message throughout is everything that I was feeling. As I’m listening, tears stream down myself, not of sadness but of joy. Although I still have a lot of work to do. Yet, I knew my messages, prayers, thoughts, feelings, cries were heard.