Greetings all! I know it has been a few days since I have posted but I needed to take some time for myself and re-center. It has been a rough few days for I went through a episode were I felt back into a dark space that I really thought I had under control. I felt overwhelmed, scared, anxious, alone, and misunderstood. I didn’t feel like doing much at times, cried often, and wanted to sleep the days away. Yet, through it all, I had to remind myself I have work to do…for me. I had to constantly repeat something to myself that my sister/friend Kamisha has always stated to me and her clients time and time again “You have depression but depression does not have you!!!” I also kept telling myself, that the battle that makes you unproductive, a unwillingness to participate in life is depression, it is not who you are. You must fight for your life and the things you enjoy. Fight to continue to move forward, progress, and grow. I wrote all my thoughts and feelings, prayed A LOT, and had a deep conversation with self. I had to process why I am feeling the way that I am feel and talk with those that are closes to me. Most things I got answers to, some I did not. Yet I had to realize that is ok and is going to get better, but I have more self work to do and I made a promise to myself that I will treat myself better spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Another thing that I was battling with was the progression of Protect Your Crown for how could I offer words of encouragement, resources, and assistance if I can’t get myself together. Yet, the more I wrote and the more soul searching I did, the more it became apparent that this is something that I needed to do. This is something that God has placed on my heart because it not only can help others but because it helps with my healing process. The stories, ideas, and words of wisdom that has been given to me has truly been helpful and therapeutic. By sharing my stories, I’m reminded that I can touch someone just as much as they touched me with their stories. Also, I had to remind myself that I am not perfect and that I will have hills and valleys that I must go through. Yet, it will be up to me on how I get through them. I had to remember that some of the people that influence me still have not so great days. It is how they got through those not so great days that made them great. I had to remind myself who I am and the long line of history of my family members and ancestors that I draw my strength from. I am the one in my family that is trying to break the chain of suffering in silence, to stop the stigma of mental illness. I am the one who is speaking up and speaking out on some of the things that may be the most uncomfortable or most taboo. Although I am just one person, I am reminded that I have a voice, a pen/paper, a computer that I can get the conversation started….and keep it going!