Last week, I did something that I dreamed of since I was a teenager, visited Pittsburgh, PA and went to see my favorite team play, the Pittsburgh Steelers. Looking back a year ago, I was in a deep depression, not wanting to go outside let alone travel anywhere. I was afraid to talk to anyone about what I was going through because I didn’t think they would understand and I was dealing with a person who I thought was a friend but later found out, was always looking out for number one. Because of where my life was at that time, I began becoming more withdrawn from people, lying to people and telling them that I was fine when I was really dying inside. Making plans and always canceling on people because my self esteem was very low and I felt unpretty, wasn’t a fun person to be around or I was too tired due to not taking care of my body. Yet, it took for me to hit my lowest of low, to the point I thought about leaving by beautiful son with his father and driving to nowhere because I thought he would be better off without me because I felt I was not a good mother. Dealing with losing the one that loved me since High School because I didn’t feel like I deserved to be loved by anyone. Anxiety of losing myself in Chaos. I was living in hell at the time.
It took A LOT for me to get to where I am today. I have been finding natural ways to take care of my well being when I felt that medication wasn’t the best fit. I have taken a look at myself and began doing my work, accepting everything about myself, flaws and all. Looked at my inner circle and held on to those you contribute to my life and said goodbye to those that didn’t. I forgave myself and others that have hurt me the most in life. I began to network with others and hearing other stories which has helped me tremendously, not to mention developing a outlet for others in order to help them with their wellbeing while taking care of my own. Most of all, I made a promise to myself to LIVE. to bask in everything that life has to offer, good, bad, or indifferent. To not be afraid to step out on faith and trust in myself and the path that was chosen for me. To understand that the most difficult things in life is suppose to happen. Whether it is to teach me a lesson, to correct a wrong, to help me in my decision making, or to just simply enjoy without over thinking it. Last weeks experience affirmed so much for me when it comes to living, its not about what you do in life its about how you live it. I will not allow myself to take time, myself and the days that the Lord has made for granted. For he has brought me too far and I am forever grateful. Live life like its golden.