Greetings everyone, I hope everyone is in good spirits and having a great week so far. I wanted to share something personal with you all. The other night I had the worst panic attack that I ever had in my entire life. I don’t know what quite triggered it but it was something that I hope will never happen again, at least not that bad. I felt the walls closing in around me, shortness of breath, body wanting to shut down, excessive crying where I could not stop. As it was happening, my husband just held me and whispered ” Let it go, let it out, you got this. BREATHE with me”, he had me focus on the one thing that would calm me and keep me, my son. The attack lasted for about 30 minutes yet I only remember bits and pieces of it.
The next day, I was able to reflect on what happened and things I can try to do (or do better) to ensure I do not allow my mind, body, and spirit to go through this experience again. Overall, we all have anxiety from time to time and sometimes there may not be a way to prevent it and you know what, ITS OK. You can be the most happy, put together person in the world, and still have anxiety. Yet, they are ways to help lesson the affects of anxiety.
For me, like so many of us do, feel as if we carry the world on our shoulders and everything that is in it. We need to find balance in everything we do whether it be family life, relationships/marriage, work life, social life and most important, within ourselves. I will be the first to tell you, I tend to beat myself up over things, especially when it comes to my past. Some of the decisions that I have made affected a lot of people and has definitely altered my life in many ways. Yet, one thing I am learning everyday the past is just that, the past. There is nothing you can do to change it so you must learn to accept, embrace, forgive, and move forward. Most importantly, WE MUST FORGIVE OURSELVES. I know first hand that it is something that is easier said then done, but once you allow yourself to forgive, only then can you move forward and live a healthy and happy life. Only then can you understand the true definition of love. Someone once told me that your past is just a small wrinkle in time and larger things that are meant to be remembered are the things that are meant to stay in your life, which for me are.
I also worry for others, especially when it comes to my husband. Yet, I had to remember that he is the man of the house and there are things that I cannot control. Me being a woman, I am a nurturer and problem solver. I don’t want my man to hurt or worry so I try to take on his burdens while caring mine. That is something that simply cannot be done. Being married is a partnership, yet you have to allow your spouse to take on their role. You cannot change someone nor can you fight their battles. All you can do is encourage and love them from where they stand and love them for who they are. Most of all, be a better person for you, when you are doing better for yourself, it reflects in those that love you. It influences others to want to do better for themselves, especially your spouse.
A lot of things were put into perspective for me the other night. It let me know “sistah girl, you are doing too much!!” It’s ok to take a rest. Live for today, tomorrow is not here not and the past days are no longer present. I have to do better.