In two weeks of blogging and vlogging, I have posted a lot of great tips, tools, and resources when it comes to supporting your mental health in a positive way. Yet, I will tell you it has not worked EVERYTIME and I would be lying if I said it did. I still have not so great days, I still get upset and cry about things and situations. I still have days when I want to stay in bed and let a day or 2 pass by. There are still “shouda, coulda, woulda days” or “I wish I would have know better days”. There are still days that I question myself and some of the decisions that I’ve made. There are some days where my depression and anxiety try to get the best of me, some times simultaneously. I have days when I don’t want to be bothered with anyone, including my support system.
On those days, I take a deep breath, sit in silence and say to myself “You got this, you are ok” over and over in my head. I also think about something my sister from another Miss Kamisha told me who is a Therapist “You have depression, depression DOES NOT have you!”. I think of the fact that I am never given more than I can handle and they is a reason for everything, even when I don’t fully understand. I try not make excuses or use “my issues” as a reason not to deal. I also keep in mind that it is OK for me to feel the way that I feel and try not to suppress my emotions and thoughts because if I do, it could cause me to crash and burn.
I also think of my biggest reason for defeating depression and anxiety, my son. Our kids see and hear everything even when we think they don’t. They are like sponges so they absorb everything, including your energy. Although my son is only 4, he can still sense when mommy is not ok without me saying a word or shedding a tear. I try to keep in mind that even in my darkest hour, my son needs me but little does he know mommy needs him just as much. When I travel by air, I have the highest anxiety. I sweat, my heart races, I begin to feel light headed at times, I go into freak out mode. Now, what I try to do is focus on a video or picture of my son in his happiest moments and think about the fun we will have when we come back together. I will say that my husband has gotten me through some tough times by simply holding me and not saying a word which can be very comforting. Although he does not fully understand, he knows sometimes his presents means more than anything.
Lastly, when I have one of those days, I think about all of the times I have walked away from situations or people or they walked away from me and the blessings that have come out of it. I look at the fact that in spite of everything, choosing me is always the best choice when it come to being happy. I also look at how far I have come and if GOD hadn’t put certain things or people in my path of life, I would not be who I am. I was given my name for a reason and I have a lot to live up to by having it 🙂